Do you also claim to be addicted to success? Do you always want to be the best and are you your most merciless critic?
With this article, we would like to highlight the phenomenon of “Addiction to Success” and offer you some practical tips on how to treat yourself more lovingly.
Who does not long to be loved and accepted? Early on as children, we learn that those who get the most benefits and praise will receive the most praise and recognition.
Anyone who is good, can count well or paints a beautiful picture is praised, received good grades and we hear “Look at this, why can’t you do it that way?”
We believe that if we were good enough, as good as the others, we would finally be loved and accepted by all.
And so we are constantly comparing ourselves with others. We squint for their achievements and successes and want to success exactly like them. Just do not be worse, just do not fail.
- 1 I Have To Be Better …
- 2 A Hopeless Fight
- 3 Striving For Perfection Doesn’t Bring Love
- 4 But, So Much Pain
- 5 What are you doing?
- 6 2 Practical Tips For You
I Have To Be Better …
Soon it will not be enough for me to be just as good as others – no, we want to be better. Ideally, better than anyone else.
This is how the fixed idea of perfectionism comes into being: We begin by equating our performance with our personal value. Only if we deliver perfect performances, we are worth anything at all and only if we manage to be perfect and error-free, then the love of all is safe – so we believe.
An error that is very difficult to get out of our heads.
A Hopeless Fight
In this way, we get into a perpetual competition. Even though we compare ourselves with others, it is us with whom we struggle.
Think twice: even if you did something better than another, it’s usually not enough. Maybe you will feel satisfied for a short time. But you will only ever be as good as you are right now. You can’t be better than you are.
Striving For Perfection Doesn’t Bring Love
Behind our urge to be perfect is often the idea that other people will love us if we are only good enough. Not infrequently we try to get the love above all from the people who refuse us recognition by high achievements.
But love can’t be bribed. High successes may bring us admiring glances, but still no love.
The first step in being loved is learning how to accept and love oneself – however imperfect you may be.
But, So Much Pain
Instinctively, we all feel that our goal of being perfect can’t be achieved. After all, we fail again and again because there is always someone who can do something better than us. And if we actually success mastery in one area, at some point younger ones will come after us to overtake us, or we’ll see that others in other areas are better than us.
With our urge for perfection, we always add pain or addiction to ourselves. First of all, there is enormous pressure that we impose on ourselves, but also the constant – inevitable – confrontation with our failure. And as if to make matters worse, we also scold ourselves and say that we are not lovable or respectable.
What are you doing?
Most likely, these phrases will seem overdone and you will find many good arguments for why it is good to be perfect. So you may argue that you are just so powerful and successful because of your perfection and that you always have to work on yourself.
- A healthy ambition spurs us on to good performance,
- Make sure we focus when it matters
But there are worlds between this ambition and the claim to be perfect. Chronic fatigue and pain are inevitable for people who claim to be perfect.
If you guessed reading this article that you familiarize yourself with your perfectionism life but much harder than necessary, then we have below some quotes for thought and practical tips for how you can learn a different way of dealing with yourself.
Here are some thought-provoking impulses and practical tips to help you learn how to reduce your claim to success in two small steps.
1st Realization: Perfection Does Not Exist!
A very important insight in the context of “perfection” is the following:
Perfection does not exist. Perfection is simply impossible for us.
Why? Because we are human.
As we are human, we make mistakes and mistakes make us human. We are not robots, we are not machines, we are beings with moods and emotions. We can know a lot and master things excellently – but when we are sad, tired or even hungry, our performance can subside. We let ourselves be distracted, sometimes we react defiantly. We can also just forget something or get really “stupid”.
It is the wonderful, broad and dazzling spectrum of human behaviors that is available to us every day. And it is our unique character, our very special being that will always distinguish us from others. Even if we learn to count as good as others or do gymnastics, if we can have as much money as someone or drive so well – we will always be ourselves.
So what we can achieve is to be ourselves in a perfect way. Take the following saying for yourself:
“I am the best I am.”
2nd Realization: A Claim For Perfection..
Another insight that is astounding for perfectionists is the following;
In Julia Cameron’s book The Way of the Artist, there is a very interesting thought:
“Perfectionism is the refusal to give yourself permission to move forward.”
Many people who suffer from their own claim to perfection are so afraid of making mistakes.The prospect of being a beginner and producing so many mistakes paralyzes them. It takes a lot of courage to start something new – but how can we summon up courage when there are the worst critics in our neck.
If all humans were perfectionists, there would be little development. The people themselves would not develop and there would be no new inventions or ideas. What kind of world would that be?
3nd Realization: We become more loveable if we want to be less perfect
This third realization is perhaps the most important because it meets perfectionists or addicts at their most sensitive point .
Do you know what happens when perfectionists have the courage to make mistakes and let go of their urge to do better than others? Something very wonderful. Because they lose their fear of the apparent superman, which cause by their own claim in their environment too much pressure.
Anyone who puts extremely high demands on himself also does so to others. We may not be able to acknowledge that, but the evaluation of accomplishments in “perfect” or “not perfect” has gone so far into the flesh that we look at others in this way.
2 Practical Tips For You
Reducing perfectionism is anything but easy. Many people cling to their claim because they fear that without it everything would collapse. Then, you pretend it, then often with the same harshness – and the same claim as usual, according to the motto: “I have to be perfect now, not wanting to be perfect anymore.”
Obviously, this doesn’t work.
Therefore, start with the following two steps. They may seem almost too small and simple to you as a perfectionist, but believe us, using these two tips will mean a lot of change work for you. And it’s worth it!
Tip 1: Stop Comparing Yourself With Others
Whenever you find yourself comparing with others and wondering, for example, how much better you or the other is in whatever you are.
Do not continue to think, but focus on yourself. For example, you can put your hand on your stomach to feel yourself. Breath calmly and deeply three times and say to yourself:
“I am completely with myself.”
Tip 2: Change Your Inner Dialogue
From now on, pay attention to how you talk to yourself whether it is only in your thoughts or speaking out loud. You’ll see how hard you scold yourself for mistakes and how relentlessly you treat yourself, even if you perform well.
Pause every time you realize that you criticize yourself. Stop in the middle of the thought or sentence and think or say instead:
“I do my best in every situation and that’s enough.”