How to overcome abandonment? What to do when you’ve been abandoned, left behind and despised? Why does abandonment hurt so much?
A lot of questions for a horrible feeling.
Abandonment and dereliction etc. Words are “almost innocent” conjugations in the adult world. “I abandon myself,” “I cannot abandon him,” “I have abandoned myself, “How can I endure abandonment?”, “What to do when they leave you.”
Infinite sentences and grammatical expressions. And most of the time, the same feeling in the soul: an existential void; a hole in the heart through which the sun does not cover. What to do? What not to do? When is the pain of abandonment removed? How to overcome it? Why is everyone leaving me?
Abandonment in itself implies action and the effect of “abandoning oneself”, that is to say, it requires one subject agent of the action and another to whom the action falls, although it may be oneself who acts and receives. Let’s think about this for a second; “even if I am the one who abandons something ”at some point” I am also abandoning myself “because” what I abandon today is something I had chosen in the past, something that was important to me, something that made me feel”.
To abandon in some way or another is to abandon oneself. And to abandon oneself implies ‘’withdrawal, leaving without protection, turning away, neglecting’’ etc. When we are in a relationship and the other abandon us, the person can give up and no longer trust that what we had, decide not to support the relationship, show no interest.
However, in the abandoned version of the story is different. We feel that ” they leave us aside, that we are not important, that they despise us, that they leave us to the last, forgotten, with indifference, disdain, apathy”.
We suffer because that other one relegates us to a wonderful past that exists only in memory, and relegates us the dreams of the future. What do we do now? What did we do wrong to be abandoned again? So they’ll leave us like a rag or nobody’s dog.
We are filled with pain, anger, resentment, the dream of revenge or pity, manipulate the situation, renounce love forever; paralyze the emotions, and forever remember abandonment.
How dare he abandon us? Who is he? What happens to him? And we remain bound to the event as long as necessary and required by our wounded heart.
After some emotional breakdown, we ask, how to heal abandonment issues?
And the answer is in your hands.
Overcoming Abandonment Issues
In principle, we should feed our minds with messages and conversations that give us personal power rather than subtract it. What do I mean? That we should stop thinking about abandonment as a possibility for us. And to understand the abandonment in itself or possible of subjects of him, when we are in situations of helplessness. Do you understand?
- He leaves you who insult you in the street and runs away.
- He leaves you who should give you a medicine that you can’t provide alone.
- He leaves you who does not give you first aid.
- He leaves you who does not care you in an extreme situation.
that is, we must begin to see abandonment in relation to a context of helplessness.
That means you have to stop feeling “abandoned” because your husband or boyfriend doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Or because your husband left with a younger woman. We don’t really need anyone beyond ourselves to live. At an initial time we really needed our parents to live, they provided us with food, clothing, recreation. If they don’t act just at the right time, we can’t even protect ourselves. But now you do not need that; with yourself, it is more than enough, that we choose to live and share with others does not imply that we cannot do it alone.
When you begin to accept that somebody abandons you, that relationships have an expiration date, that everything is relative, you will learn to live without the attachment that makes you vulnerable to change.
You just abandon yourself, when you don’t trust yourself when you think that if the other doesn’t love you. And finally, you don’t make sense when you think you need others to be happy when you don’t realize that you have a life that belongs to you when only you are responsible for your life.
That inaccurate sense of abandonment is an inner conversation that closes possibilities for your adult life. Many women have it, but those who are demanding this abandonment are not adults, but their injured girls. If your needs for protection, containment and love were not satisfied as a child; When you grow up, your girl will make the relevant tantrums. She will demand excessive love, a share of extreme attention.
But what was not covered in childhood cannot be covered in the present. But if you can communicate with your inner child, and let it know that your adult side will take care of it. You will be able to satisfy your inner self in love as an adult because you both have each other.
Let go of the past, reveal your shortcomings, become aware of what you require. Go for it. If you have a partner, if they stop loving you as a woman, if there is no more physical attraction, don’t reprimand yourself thinking “you are the culprit”, “that it will always be so”, and think that while it lasted it was beautiful, think that he has been a teacher in your life. A relationship is over. But no one but yourself ends up with you. Do you understand?