I do not know how many of us have heard this phrase. The most popular is the one we usually use when we give up or simply resign ourselves to losing that person: “If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were.’’

Some variants have emerged from this phrase. On the one hand, those with the same tint of hopelessness, and on the other, many others with motivation to turn the original meaning of the phrase: to show that we cannot have a passive attitude to the departure of the other, but rather to mobilize and carry out actions to fight for the other person.

In my case, I have only decided to use the first part: “if you love something, set it free.” And sometimes you don’t have to say anything else, it’s just that: love, in every sense of the word. Love does not imply ownership; a person or her/his love is not yours, because it is not an object, you cannot just “own” it.

To love is not to change the other person; to love is to liberate people.

Sometimes we are very selfish when we are in a relationship, we just want our partner to fit in with us, we talk about negotiation and we are stressed by the mere fact of thinking that this means that we would have to make sacrifices; make changes. I am not saying that this is not important; in fact, I think it is essential to learn the art of negotiation in a relationship because it is one of the tools that collaborate in the best way to develop a healthy relationship. However, I think we can forget that the other person is unique and that it is not about changing it, but about accepting it.

That is why I argue that freeing the other person is allowing them to be themselves; to change, to go back, to move forward, to grow and to evolve when he needs it. It’s not looking for your partner to “complement” you, it’s helping her/him through this whole process, your growth process, which will inevitably be reflected in her/his relationship as a partner.

True love, as Erich Fromm (German social psychologist) says, is not blind. When you love someone you can see their flaws and accept them, you can see their flaws and you want to help them overcome them (if your partner wants to).

To love is to put on a balance the good and the bad of that person, and after that, to love them and love is a conscious decision, and it is based on reality, not on a book, story or movie.

Love is born of coexistence, of sharing, of giving and receiving, of mutual interests, of shared dreams. It’s not imposing your interests and dreams on the other, it’s allowing that authenticity in every way to your partner. If you love your partner, let her go; let her be herself.

Thank you for visiting our blog and especially my articles, where I write about mostly couples psychology. If you liked this text and it also served you, I invite you to share it so that it can be useful to more people. If you have any questions, comments or suggestions, you can write them in the comments section, I would love to know.

Graduated in Psychology from the Stanford University, with a Master's Degree in Child and Adolescent Clinical Psychopathology. Specialized in Neurodevelopment Disorders. Currently working as a child psychiatrist.

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