We once had a friend, a beautiful woman who smiled all the time without having a reason. She saw the world from a positive perspective and insisted on always focusing on the positive side of all things. It was the embodiment of happiness.

The world was a better place to have her.

Unfortunately, good people do not always have a happy destiny even though, like her, they do not deserve it. Her heart didn’t have to be sullied and destroyed in a thousand pieces.

She should never have lost her self-esteem at the hands of an abuser or come to the bottom for someone who was never worth it, and in exchange for what? All because a narcissistic abuser crossed her path for the sole purpose of taking advantage of her until he destroyed her.

He manipulated her into brainwashing, isolated her from the world so she couldn’t ask for help, and made sure she was never able to do it. He convinced her that it was nothing, that nobody cared and that he had to settle for it.

He managed to convince her that she had to be grateful to have him, her abuser.

The way out of there was not easy, it was covered with thorns that made it bleed more and more with every step it took towards freedom, towards happiness. But those wounds healed and stopped bleeding, and now behind them are only scars deeply scarred on her skin and soul as a reminder of the hell that had to happen.

He finally recovered, here’s how.

1.She decided to heal

He suddenly decided, her defense mechanisms suddenly skyrocketed  and made her realize it was now or never. She knew she had to do something, she was tired of manipulation and feeling like a piece of crap she didn’t deserve to live. She was aware that this was not her and finally decided that she should do something about it, so she set out to rescue what she used to be as no one has the power to force her to go on like this forever. She learned how to deal with narcissistic behavior.

2.Got rid of all the poison

She has always been an empathetic person who puts herself in each other’s place to try to understand how she feels, yet when she put herself in the shoes of the narcissist who simply destroyed her, she is filled with poison her body and soul, but now she knew she should get rid of it. She spoke to the people who stood by her at every stage of the road; she joined support groups and gradually pulled all that poison out of her system. It didn’t happen overnight, it was slow and painful, but she’s brave enough to bear it. This is how she came one step closer to the complete healing of her wounds.

3.Had to deal with the crisis

She was anxious because, almost all of a sudden, there was no more fighting or screaming in her life. There was no one to tell her what to do and what not to do, nor was there any external force trying to manipulate her constantly, forcing her through guilt to do things she didn’t want to do.

It was no longer the subject of analysis or judgments (always negative), it was finally free but did not know how to assume it. It was too much and it all happened so fast. Imagine you’ve been in bed for months and now that you’ve gotten better, you feel like you can walk and you want to, but when you try, you can’t because your body won’t let you.

In this case, her body did not allow her to relax, she was still hurt and did not know how to function normally again. She had to face his anxiety and fears because she knew they would not last forever; it was simply a phase she had to go through and from which she would emerge victorious.

4.She Allowed Himself To Get Angry

Getting Angry

She stopped repressing those feelings because she knew they would only hurt her more. She was aware that She could no longer pretend that nothing had happened because the truth had suffered, and much. It was not possible to change things so it was only up to her to accept them and get angry; to be very angry with him for taking advantage of her good feelings, but also to be angry with herself for allowing it.

She felt pain throughout her body; psychological pain became an almost unbearable physical pain afflicting her body, soul, and heart. But in the end that also happened and she was ready to take on her next challenge.

5.Forgive herself by accepting the reality

She forgave herself because she knew it wasn’t her fault, understood that she ran into a sick man who manipulated her just to get her out of her way and take over her life and eventually burn her to ashes and feed his ego.

She accepted that She was next to an evil being whose only goal was always to hurt her; after all, it seems that she knew no other way to interact with people. In the end, She realized that they had used it and that she had simply fallen into the trap of a narcissist abuser from whom she could barely escape. She forgave herself because she had not had the opportunity to know something better; she was just an empathetic person who wanted to help and make people smile and she eventually even managed with the narcissistic bastard but almost cost him her life, leaving behind too much pain and suffering.

6.She confessed that she knew all along.

She finally assumed her share of responsibility and admitted that a part of her always knew what was going on, yet it was easier to assume that things would change and be good again. She cheated herself because she didn’t conceive the reason she had to go through all that. She did not want her heart broken or to have to go through the arduous road of reposing herself to the abuse of a narcissist; a hard and painful task.

7.Respect the rule of avoiding contact at all costs

The narcissists come back and they’ll do everything they can to get you back by their side. They will lie and try to manipulate you for you to trust them once more and you get closer again, only to abuse it again, and again and again. She knew she had to respect the rule of avoiding contact. She didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore so she ignored his text messages and calls, and she ignored his failed attempts to make her look like the bad story to her friends. She completely severed any link with him and it saved her from falling back into her clutches.

8.She embraced her life and left everything bad behind

The final stage was the most liberating since it consisted of leaving everything behind and feeling free again; only then could he smile again. She forgave herself and after taking a look deep into her soul she managed to find all the love she believed she had lost.

Today she is again the same beautiful woman we met so long ago.

Graduated in Psychology from the Stanford University, with a Master's Degree in Child and Adolescent Clinical Psychopathology. Specialized in Neurodevelopment Disorders. Currently working as a child psychiatrist.

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