Self Victimization is understood here as a tendency to self-pity and one of the most important psychological blockages we can face as individuals.

When an obstacle arises, leading us to question and become aware of our material limits at a given moment,  we very often tend to take a negative view, based on a certain degree of fatalism and pessimism.

Failure always affects our state of mind, we cannot deny it.

But even as some people think of it as a source of motivation, a way to highlight our weaknesses and consequently the road to achieve its goals, others sink into denial and end up closing themselves to their environment. This reaction is common. Self-victimization is a kind of refusal to accept the consequences of our choices and our actions.

It is the result of frustration, an injury to the ego that is understandable, but largely harmful at a time when we should let go and learn to relativize the importance of the situations. Worse, it would seem that self-victimization is addictive, that it allows us to find excuses for our shortcomings and failures, even if they were involuntary.

The article of the day has a very simple purpose: to put an end to this attitude which would have us put ourselves into entities to regain control of our life, having the feeling that the whole world is against us, and under these conditions, evolving is a miracle.

Whatever one may think, these beliefs are wrong, limiting. We all have the ability to open our eyes, to stimulate our motivation, even if there are risks involved in leaving our comfort zone.

We will fall, we will fail, we will sometimes face terrible disillusions… but this is part of the process of learning, obstacles to overcome to achieve psychological appeasement and enjoy a real personal satisfaction, caused by the pride when adversity redoubles in intensity.

As it can be heard everywhere, losing a battle is not the same as losing the war. It is enough to wonder about its existence, about the challenges of the past to realize it.

  • Have we ever missed?
  • Are we less than nothing?
  • Should this lead us to lock ourselves in an isolating shackle of resentment, distrust, and bitterness?
  • Is this how we will live happier?

No, certainly not.

The purpose of the day is therefore very simple: it is time to stop making ourselves as victims and to take our destiny in hand because no one will do it for us!

1- Victimization: A Truth Always Hard To Hear

Self Victimization 1

Faced with an environment shaped by our social interactions, we all have this image of the “lonely knight” struggling against all odds at some point in our lives.

Endowed with a conscience, we remain in permanent contact with our emotions, our feelings, sometimes to the point of letting them take precedence over objectivity and our need to act to change the situations that are least beneficial to us.

Fear of risk and change are then barriers to our ability to assume who we really are and often push us in many cases to give up, for fear of not being up to the task.

The society in which we live establishes competitiveness and efficiency as necessities, making the slightest slip-up seem far more important than it actually is.

It is precisely at this point that self-victimization takes precedence over the will to fight it. When we think about it, we even realize that we seem to gain by mourning and feeling sorry for ourselves.

This allows us to stimulate the empathy and attention of other members of our community. Moreover, self-victimization alone also justifies a desire for immobility, risk avoidance, and action.

In short, adopting this psychological disposition locks us into a very manichaean view of the situation, arguing that pain is proof of our right and that we are not responsible for the situation.

A question then seems to be ignored… Where will it lead us, if not straight into the wall? How to develop a certain degree of self-confidence if one confines oneself after each disillusionment?

2- Victimization And Constructive Thinking

Constructive Thinking

If victimization is a very simple reflex to adopt, because of the immediate “benefits” it confers, it is obviously harmful in the context of reasoning and in terms of personal development.

We cannot reasonably hope to improve, learn from our mistakes if we refuse to accept our weaknesses and limits. To make a difference, it is necessary to realize that a disadvantaged situation can actually be evil for a good.

It is sufficient, moreover, to ask oneself concretely about the extent of the ill-feeling and the consequences of failure.

  • Shall we suffer this thing in several years?
  • Will locking up on yourself favor you in the long run?
  • What about our relationship, our planning for the future?
  • Should we give up everything for a simple disappointment?
  • To admit one’s failings, is not to learn already and put oneself in the best position to get out of the darkness?

Genuine reflection on the scope of victimization can be underpinned by effective action. In this way, it will be up to us to examine, as objectively as possible, the conditions which the problematic situation arises.

Where Did The Problem Materialize?

What were your decisive faults (impulsivity, lack of knowledge, impatience, lack of realism when defining the objective to be achieved…)?

Our role is on the one hand to relativize our pain (remembering that there is undoubtedly someone in somewhere, whose situation is much worse than ours), but also to focus on the concrete.

Why don’t you take a piece of paper and put these few questions down to get out of self-victimization? :

  • What can I concretely learn about the course of events?
  • Can I get anything positive out of the apparent misfortune?
  • What can I do now to begin a process of breaking out of the state of mind that is fostered by self-victimization?
  • Considering my mistakes to better prepare for the new challenges ahead, is that a bad thing?

The answers you will bring to these questions represent the first steps towards an overall improvement, a questioning of victimization.

Do not forget that we are only human and that we all make mistakes, it is in our nature.

To deny victimization, then, we must learn to forgive ourselves, to stop thinking of ourselves as machines. The psychology of the individual remains fragile.

By becoming aware of the barriers that still keep us from expressing the extent of our potential, we will gradually be able to get rid of them and finally live free from the pressures that weigh on our shoulders.

All that remains is for us to face up to our responsibilities and to allow ourselves the right to accept ourselves as we really are!

What about you? Is victimization a provision that you often adopt? Don’t hesitate to come and share your point of view!


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