Self-Disclosure is personal information that we provide to one or more people when we want to establish an emotional bond. In a way, it means expressing feelings, desires, tastes, fantasies, long-term goals, postponements and etc.

Here are a number of tips to enhance your social skills and provide an honest and sincere image of yourself, without bothering you or bothering others.

There are many topics to realize self-disclosure such as; family, city of origin, way of life and future plans, points of view in relation to marriage and children, reactions and discomfort, personal fears, thoughts about the belief in God, life or death, drugs, triumphs and failures, old relationships, moments of distress and etc.

If we wish to communicate with someone, we must first bear in mind that we do not rush into intimacies. People may feel uncomfortable if they are besieged in a short space of time with very intimate questions or self-disclosure. Wait for the right time for it.

The 4 Levels Of Communication Depth

  • Phrases: they are rituals to initiate the conversation in which one recognizes the presence of the other and the desire to communicate.
  • Facts: in new relationships, the most important facts in each one’s life are usually explained; in the most entrenched, the most recent ones. Each person tries to find out if the shared interests are enough to make the relationship worthwhile.
  • Opinions: give a more personal view than facts or phrases. To express opinions it is better to be direct and frank than to use general phrases like “I’ve been told that”,” some say that…”, “I don’t know but I think that..”.

Try to start your statements with:” I think…“; “personally I think… “I don’t know what you think but I think…”.

  • Feelings: they transmit an emotional reaction to an event, better describing how the person is.

Other ways to have topics to talk are:

  • Have prepared topics concerning something that has been read, or movies, etc., story of a funny experience that occurred during the week or long ago, etc.
  • Mix opinion and information statements. Asking a question at the end is a good strategy to keep a conversation going, as well as to make it understanding and interesting for both you and the other person.
  • Try not to interrupt while another is speaking.
  • Although there are non-verbal ways of communicating something about oneself, which helps to keep a conversation is what is communicated about oneself verbally. People want to know where you work, where you live and where you’re going to.
  • The creation of a false public image is something that will have to be corrected later, especially if later relations are envisaged. If you don’t like some things about yourself, it’s better to change them than to give a false image. It’s easier and you’ll feel more comfortable if you do not have to look different than what you actually have.

How Much Do You Have To Disclose?

How Much Do You Have To Disclose

As relationships become more frequent and lasting, you should disclose a different kind of information about yourself in order to keep friendship conventions. It is one thing to disclose what you think-interests, likes and dislikes and it is another thing to disclose what you feel.

When the facts allow the exchange of feelings between people, affection is always the same: to reaffirm friendship and to bring the two people closer together.

The expression of feelings must always be proportionate to the degree of esteem and intimacy that exists between the two persons. The more emotional exchanges there are, the more satisfying and intimate relationships are.

The person who discloses everything about himself, his abilities, weaknesses, problems, conflicts or feelings establishes with other unviable and negative relationships as much as the person who reveals too little about himself and strives to give a false image.

After assessing the character of a relationship you must decide to what extent you can disclose your secrets and feelings. The fact of also being too concrete, thoughtful and precise in the expression of feelings, is not only particularly inappropriate in an informal friendship, but also causes some discomfort and confusion in the listener, if he/she does not usually disclose feelings, this prevents the relationship develops and can become a friendship.  Also, by not expressing feelings, there are equivocal situations, which can be the cause of irritability, frustration, and conflicts that stem from it. You also create an image that things do not affect you, and then you have to make an enormous effort to keep up with the image you have offered.

If people turn away from you, it’s probably because they don’t let them know you, or because they expose their emotions too intensely and overwhelm them by asking for support, sympathy, full understanding.

Good conversations are developed with self-disclosure from each side. It is gained in camaraderie and approach by expressing feelings, likes, fantasies, desires, long-term goals.

Common Problems In Self-Disclosure

It Projects a false image

  • People can be rejected because the other person does not like this “perfect being” that one presents.
  • People may be attracted to the positive image but they know that they are not themselves.
  • Sooner or later you can discover the lie.

Revealing private information about ourselves to another person is a very effective assertive technique, not only in a social conversation plan but also when a conflict arises between us and another person.

Our voluntary disclosure of negative factors about ourselves and our own acceptance of them is probably the most powerful and effective assertive technique to avoid manipulation and achieve peace of our spirit. If others react to our assertive disclosure of our inner self and concerns by trying to convince us not to “we” or not “we have the right to think or feel that way,” and our answer will be simple and direct: “it is possible, but this is what I feel.”

In the face of such a sincere and honest response, manipulation is impossible to use.



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